20-2-10
Non, je ne regrette rien…
A turbulent first half almost sank the Miner’s, but a spirited second revived them in a seven-goal thriller at the Genix. Ossett Albion looked forlorn and lost in the first twenty minutes, as an early lead for the home team and dominance in possession ostensibly spelled trouble for the visitors. A Shane Kelsey inspired mauling ensued, until Town pulled off a comeback worthy of the Russian rout of Le Grande Armée from Moscow, as the forces of Bonaparte were smashed to smithereens. Three goals, and Robert’s your mother’s brother.
Speaking of Napoleon; Cedric the ref brought a certain je ne sais quoi to non-league officialdom. From the continent, Mesdames et messieurs… A brave man, officiating in a second language, in a country that a recent ruler of his people attempted to conquer, and against a side whose match reports contain frequent mentions of historical wars, for the sake of ‘infotainment’. However, he did well, so metaphorically tip of the cap, mon ami…
Town’s venomous fangs drew first blood, like John J ‘Raven’, as a well-weighted ball through sent Greaves into a one on one situation. From an angle, he clipped it over the advancing goalkeeper in a fine effort, and it was un á zéro, mes sale putes…
The downturn began before the twenty-minute mark, as some foul individual named Bentley didn’t go so gently on the Garforth back line, and it was un, deux before one could say voulez vous coucher avec moi, fromage seins… Liam Ormsby cut in and fed Greaves, who shot wide, and Garforth produced a howling, disgusting, terrible fail worthy of epicfail.com, when Town newb Paul Walker dallied when through on goal, decided to round the defender haring after him before shooting, and lost possession. Soon after that woeful misjudgement, a terrible third was conceded; a failed Ossett counter attack led to a clearance and miscontrol, and the subsequent shot was saved. Kelsey converted the rebound, following a fumble.
Half time came, thankfully, and with it Maria McKee and Show Me Heaven.
It left me breathless.
Early in the second, Dominic Blair sailed a cross in from the left, which Duncan Williams met with a looping header that attained the accuracy of Private Pyle sniper fire. The keeper was helpless. One, two Garforth’s coming for you… three, four I predict 3-4…
A shot from range was saved well, yet the rebounding ball did not offer the lurking attackers the same luck that befell Kelsey in the previous half, and the chance went begging. Town defended much more strongly, and Ossett had less of a sniff than Boy George in rehab. Substitute Lee Mason entered the fray, and almost reclaimed parity for the home side when his shot culminated a jinking run, and was narrowly placed wide.
Williams bagged a second, as Garforth truly pulled back into the game. An adept finish evened the odds, and instigated ‘squeaky bum time’ for the Albion. And it was on… on like Donkey Kong…
I foresee a film. Based in a football stadium, one white guy… one black guy… kinda like the Garforth bench. But this is one where the character redeems himself… and it’s called… the Genix Redemption.
Based around a horrific, terrible miss early in the game, the protagonist accepts the ball in the final stages of a tremendous comeback, and adroitly lifts it past the keeper to win the game for Garforth 4-3…
Wait… this happened. Based on a true story. Paul Walker, 86 minutes, redemption, back of the net…
Town held on to the not so bitter end, and brought home the bacon in what Adam Cooper termed ‘a real six pointer’. It razzled and dazzled, sizzled and fizzled…
Non… je ne regrette rien…
On an unrelated side note, tonight is the last stand of Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipović and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Maybe Wanderlei Silva too… but he’s fighting an Englishman in Michael Bisping… but come on Cro Cop, one more head kick! And come on Nogueira! War!
Wild boys never lose it… LeBon’s voice will echo through the arena tonight. I hope he’s right.
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