Garforth Town 3 - Halifax Town 4

8-4-2010

Seven hundred supporters saw a scrappy spectacle, but one that entertained, literally, until the very last. Seven goal thrillers are sweeter when you’re on the right side of them, but in this case, Garforth have nothing to be ashamed of, having secured a two-goal advantage only to be undone by dubious officiating and a numerical disadvantage on the field. Either way, despite the scoreline, both sets of fans were enthralled by the contest (though I personally wish I had a £ for every retarded thing I heard shouted from younger members of Halifax’s moronic, monosyllabic and unintelligent fanbase).

(One of aforementioned Halifax fans)


Garforth took the lead with a well taken goal; after a passing interchange out on the right wing, Riordan brought the ball inside and threaded a lovely incise pass for Lee Mason to tuck home in the thirty fifth minute. Halifax were dejected; the goal occurring after a spell of earlier pressure that did not come to fruition. Town held onto their lead, and went in at half time on top of the game, on top of the visitors, on top of the title chasers.

To the bar, comrades; one in which very few Halifax fans decided to wet their throats in, despite the business of alcohol supply responsible for being vital lifeblood of clubs at our hierarchical position in the football leagues. For shame, you teetotal boycotting Pharisees…

The second half ebbed and flowed for fifteen minutes, before livening up once more with some, ahem, spirited challenges, and full-blooded midfielding. Sadly, a terrible goal regained parity for the misfiring visitors; a shot bobbled in the Garforth box, Ellison fumbled, and the resulting messy rebound was converted by Michael Wilde, which sent a few hundred in attendance wilde, wilde, wilde… and we had to come on and Feel the Noize… Slim Shady of the coaching staff behaved himself this time, but the rest of their fans decided to bang the dugouts regardless.

The joy of animals is often short-lived, as other instincts swiftly come into play; namely the desires for feeding and reproducing. In this case, the joy of animals was cut short when Paul Walker burst through from the wing, up the channel, before slotting in Ormsby. Liam did the rest with a placed finish, and this time the Garforth dugout was banged only for ironic purposes…

After spectacularly dreadful football was offered by Halifax in the ensuing ten minutes, from the Garforth perspective a substitution was made in which Dominic Blair replaced the injured Craig Ellison. Blair was to have a very busy five minutes on the field.

However, first things first. I’ll not be sidetracked from the linear progression of this report, so light your crack pipe, stick your feet up and be shocked and horrified at the tale of Ellison’s injury, my faithful readers. It transpired thus; Craig bravely leapt for the ball, only to be hospitalised due to the dastardly, cowardly atrocity inflicted upon him by a Halifax assailant that shall not be named. That man may as well have been standing on the grassy knoll, for he assassinated both Ellison’s evening, and ultimately the game itself from the deserving hometown boys.

May he contract syphilis in the near future.

Now then, to the subject of Dominic. I hereby christen what befell him and us as “The Blair Switch Project”, as through the tyranny of disgusting prison guard failed athlete officials, Blair was switched and exiled, and Town were left up the Cadbury creek. Firstly; Clayton broke away, and sent the ball across to Blair. A cool finish later, and Town were 3-1 up with only nine minutes of play remaining. Gigity gigity, bitches…

Blair was booked following a “hand to ear” gesture delivered to the crowd. This was reportedly in response to racial abuse that Blair had received. Not to mention that the booking was somewhat inauspicious to begin with. Subsequent to this, the metaphorical grassy knoll; Blair-gate. Blair was grabbed, and the natural reaction was to shove back to escape contact. None of that, in any case, was made to the head or face area, yet Blair was shown his walking papers by the Paris-1975-esque law enforcer in the black. And then it happened.

Actually, I’m not giving the events from minutes 87-94 any degree of sensationalism, because they don’t deserve it. Basically, Halifax scored three crappy goals, and won the game. One stemmed from a move in which the ball had gone out of play, another saw a controversy arise as to whether the ball had crossed the line, and yet another was waved offside by the linesman’s Hitler Salute, but the referee overruled this decision.

Garforth were robbed, scammed worse. This will sit in the archives of sporting robbery along with Leeds against Bayern in Paris, with Roy Jones Jr outscoring his foe 83-37 and losing the Olympic final in Korea, with Lyoto Machida conceding four out of five rounds to Mauricio Rua and keeping his UFC light-heavyweight championship belt. It was a travesty.

And the scenes around the dugout proved one indisputable fact; football provides a vehicle for soft people to pretend they are big men, or that they can fight… some truly, truly pathetic people. Worse, it wasn’t the old guard shaven headed forty year olds, but emo looking kids with pretentious haircuts. People who scream obscenities then avoid eye contact. People who ask the rhetorical question “what?” and then retreat back into the mob. Join a boxing gym, you silly wankers.

Football has produced more fucking twats than emo music.

Fletch

Garforth Town 3 - AFC Field... erm, Fylde, 2

16-3-10

Town looked to build on the foundations of a good win at Radcliffe, by destroying the inconsistent team of Viking town Fylde, and fully recompensing the goal difference setback of seven days prior. They nearly managed it too, with a comfortable eighty minutes and a hat-trick of well taken goals, before a nail biting conclusion as the players that the Blackpool team could ‘field’ decided to go down swinging. We all love a bit of drama, don’t we? Three points in the bag, no harm, no foul…

Field managed to exact some early pressure on Town, but it was dealt with imperiously. The first noteworthy chance for the home side came from a passing interchange, as Field were cut apart down the left channel before Greaves angled to shoot, striking his shot against the woodwork. Town were comfortable in the second third of the half, as they pressed and probed while receiving little in the way of counter attacks.

As the half neared its conclusion, Fylde finally broke through in an unadulterated ‘gimme’ chance. One on one, only Ellison in the Miner’s goal to beat… I speculate that the player in question aimed for the practice nets propped up against the stadium wall, some ten yards to the right of the near post that he spectacularly failed to get near. For shame, pal… what a stinker.

Town duly punished that moment of footballing ineptitude, as another interchange through the middle dissected the visitors. Mark Piper slotted home a lovely through ball for Nathan Kamara, and the nephew of an UNBELIEVABLE sky sports commentator drove the ball home across goal. Cha-ching.

The second began with a siege of the Fylde, as Garforth gained the ascendancy. One interchange was cut out at its climax courtesy of a desperate block, and Craig Harding was unable to respond with a goal scoring shot through a wall of players. It wouldn’t matter; Kamara claimed a second with an adroit finish; a ‘Sheringham run’ to the near post channel, meeting the ball with a low, flicked finish to that same post from twelve yards.

A subsequent move saw Lee Mason do well to keep the ball in play, before scampering down the right to fire in a cross. Greaves converted, another step closer to the magic 30, and Town were on cruise control over a hapless, helpless foe.

Alas, last Tuesday’s goal difference deficit was not cancelled out, as Field scored first a good goal, then a crap one, but Garforth hung on to the end to claim the points that up until the eightieth, had been academically theirs. Squeaky bum time aside, the vast majority of this performance was comfortable, and so it is three good games in four, another win, and another step in the right direction…

Field; you went out on your shield, refusing to yield, with dexterity concealed until late on, when your players steeled themselves to reveal passion and zeal… oh for real.

Radcliffe Borough 0 - Garforth Town 2

13-3-10

On a day when Manny Pacquiao further cemented himself as the pound for pound #1 boxer on the planet, Garforth produced a performance that was certainly ‘minute for minute’ superior to a dreary Tuesday at home, and earned some redemption with a capable display in sinking Radcliffe by two goals to nil on their own turf.

Early Radcliffe pressure was undone by the lack of clinical finishing, and while Tom Morgan needed to be attentive, he was rarely troubled. A reorganised Town looked much more impressive, with Mark Piper back to his industrious self in the centre, and Dominic Blair pressing and probing, in what was probably a man of the match display.

The opening goal, when it came, was worth the wait. Fisher floated a ball across the box from the left wing, which was met by ‘The Van Basten finish’; a volley back across goal, nestling the ball in the corner of the net. Lee Mason; take his bow…

The prospect of a repeat of Tuesday was a scarier one than being caught in an extra-marital affair with Aleksander Emelianenko’s wife – by Aleksander – but thankfully Garforth were a far more solid outfit, and after a howling miss from Slim Shady (the Radcliffe no.9) save for free kicks and toothless attacks, the home side never really troubled again.

Riordan shaved the bar with a speculative shot, and both Town and Radcliffe began to get caught out frequently by the constant offside traps. Arsenal style would not prevent Town eventually adding to their numerical advantage, as late in the game, Ormsby played Blair out wide, and he jinked, cut in and sent a ball in, which was put back across for Greaves to add to his goal tally and get one step closer to the magic 30. It was too late for dogs without teeth to bite Town back, and Garforth had sealed the game.

Next up, I predict a 3-2 victory over FC Grassy Field, and you can take that one to the bank Junior! Pacquiao wide UD, and 3-2… predictions; it’s what I do. Call me Karnak.

Garforth Town 0 - Salford City 1

13-2-2010

Sporting talent and affable, likeable personalities often do not go hand in hand. The appeal of many high calibre athletes has stemmed from ill will and bad karma, with more viewers seemingly tuning in hoping to see the cocksure braggarts get humbled. It has been a successful business model for many professional fighters; Naseem Hamed, Chris Eubank, Muhammad Ali, Sugar Ray Leonard, Badr Hari, Brock Lesnar… the list goes on. This too was clearly in evidence at the Genix on Saturday, as despite a performance highlighted by many near miss chances on goal, Garforth were sunk by the most unpopular footballer in non-league football history, as the genetically inferior Giggs brother converted a penalty to give Salford City the three points in a smash and grab raid.

Salford is a city of nearly a quarter of a million people, and at least thirty of them made their way across the Pennines to the white rose side of the land, Gods Own Country, to support a team whose <0.1% support percentage of the populace may well be due to the signing of Rhodri Giggs…

The first chance of note came from an Ormsby header, as a curled cross was redirected towards goal. With the keeper beat, the ball hit the inside of the post, agonisingly, until a desperate lunge cleared the danger from the Salford six-yard box, and the visitors breathed a little easier.

Several opportunities arose for Tom Greaves, Town’s top scorer of the season. A passing interchange fed him through, and it was a last ditch tackle that prevented the conversion. Another defensive cock-up from Salford and Greaves was almost through again, but a well-timed challenge sent him wide and gave Town the corner. From the ensuing inswinger, a header was cleared from the line, and Garforth were firmly in the ascendancy, in the drivers seat. To claim Salford competed with Garforth in terms of goal-scoring opportunities is akin to maintaining that Hirohito had a hand in the International Military Tribunal For The Far East.

Sadly, while Garforth defended stoutly, even barbed wire, machine gunners and the Berlin Wall didn’t prevent the bravest of East Germans escaping Simon Clifford’s favourite political ideology. Salford broke through, once, and a justly awarded penalty was awarded following a shove. Rhodri Giggs stepped up, and to be fair to him, it was a perfect penalty. Top corner, side netting. The wall breached, winds of change…

Garforth should have been awarded a penalty, however. Walker was not once, but twice besmirched inside the box – once tripped, the other time used as a ladder. Clear infractions of the rules, my friends, and if Referee Wonder failed to spot them, Eli Dingle the linesman could have at least raised his flag, and Seig Heil saluted for the home team! Two penalties… the law of averages states that at least one would have been converted. That makes a draw.

Robbed blind by incompetence. Garforth never seem to get much luck. It was Euripides that said, “Authority is never without hate.” Also, that “no one who lives in error is free.”
Thus, for not awarding our rightful penalties, thou is curséd, heathen. Repent, and thou shall be saved.

Nathan Kamara came out of a challenge worst, and the number 8 for Salford decided to re-enact Roy Keane/Alfie Haaland. Nice one. Number 8, you are a scrub, which is precisely why I have not even named you. Rant away, clown.

Dominic Blair entered the fray on 71 minutes, and almost scored on 72. An interchange saw him take the ball in his stride and burst through, only to slice the shot narrowly wide with only the shot stopper to beat. Yet another Garforth goal that should have been, could have been, yet wasn’t to be.

Town newb Danny Moore hit the crossbar soon after, and in the following five-minute period, several low crosses were skied from close range. It was one of them thur’ days, boss…

Salford escaped with a win. It was not deserved, and in the first half alone, Garforth should have put the game out of sight, which was freely admitted by one of the Salford officials, who wished to remain nameless. Garforth next play at home on Saturday, and will look to bounce back strongly with another improved performance when using the pre-Christmas debacles as a measuring stick.

Town are improving, and unlike against Salford, that should correspond with the results hopefully to come. We shall see. War.

Garforth Town 1 - Farsley Celtic 0

2/2/2010


In boxing, there is the mercurial Sugar Ray Robinson, and then the rest. Such greats of pugilistic prowess as Ali, Lennox and JC Chavez are thus confined to the role of vying for the 2nd spot, for the right to call themselves the best but one. Similarly in mixed martial arts, Fedor ‘the Last Emperor’ Emelianenko sits atop the craggy peaks of Mt. Invincibility like some fat, bald Russian reincarnation of Hercules, a 5’11 expressionless cyborg walking tall in the land of giants, having established himself as the greatest professional fighter to ever live. Others of renown are in turn relegated to staking their claim for the moniker of ‘second greatest’, men of steel, the Cro Cop’s of the world, no less impressive for their inability to dethrone a man who could armbar God Himself. Like this, in the Leeds area, United AFC will always be the king, the white peacocks of Elland Road. At Garforth Town on Tuesday 2nd February, two of the other football clubs of the LS area battled for a cup semi-final berth, on a cold, wintry night in West Yorkshire, to see who could be, on that night, the number two.

The first half saw a surprisingly even battle. Farsley are of course recent veterans of the Blue Square Conference, and a fully professional outfit. Indeed, without their points deduction, they would currently be sitting pretty near the top of the Conference North, in the midst of another promotion push. Garforth, meanwhile, were promoted twice in the Noughties to earn a UniBond League status, two levels below their visitors, a semi-pro club.

Farsley almost opened the scoring with a well-worked free kick, a shot soon after that sailed over, and an outrageous dive in the quest for the wrongful award of a penalty. In the subsequent attack, they showed some good one touch football, and could have converted from a dangerous cross that was sent through the six-yard box.

Town soaked up the pressure like a huge polyurethane sponge, and responded with several counter attacks. While neither goalkeeper had to withstand Operation Gomorrah, nor stand tall under ze Blitzkrieg, both sides had their chances, Garforth most memorably with a counter that sent Mark Piper heading through on goal, though the defence recovered well. Later, Duncan Williams was put through by Greaves, but his shot was fired straight at the shot stopper. Another Williams effort saw the youngster released into space, before darting up the right channel and firing a shot low across goal, which was saved. Shortly before the break, Town newb Danny Moore found himself in an expanse of space, and fired a low shot from thirty-five yards; a fine effort, well saved.

Half time was called, with the accompanying announcements over the PA system. Recently returned is the maestro, magnificent masterful master of ceremonies, Adam Cooper, back by popular demand. Tip of the metaphorical cap to you, stud…

The second half saw Garforth take charge, comfortably handling their opponents, as would Mariusz Pudzianowski with three average men, or one small bear. The game ebbed and flowed, until the despicably horrific challenge perpetrated in the penalty box; animalistic, brutal, disgusting. Town were awarded the spot kick, and Greaves converted it.

Unless Farsley scored, Garforth Town were the second greatest team in the Leeds area.

The Miner’s held on to the end, though the expected last ditch efforts from Farsley hardly amounted to the Mongol siege of Yinchuan, though of course they don’t have Genghis Khan for a manager. Nor a shaman, and ninety thousand warriors… Either way, Town progress, en route to defending the trophy they so thrillingly claimed a year ago in southeast Leeds.

Two wins from glory!

WAR GARFORTH

It’s a craic, they’re back, yeah and standin’ on the rooftops shoutin’
Baby I’m Ready to Go-oh!

Colwyn Bay 4 - Garforth Town 2

5-12-09

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly is probably best known for a stupid theme that people whistle when thinking about cowboys and Indians, pistols at dawn and maybe as a spoof for a fighter staredown, but on Saturday Garforth and their bilingual visitors actually displayed all attributes. The good – Town dominating the second half, winning it two-nil, striker Greaves bagging a brace, et cetera. The bad – Town allegedly conceding four goals in a period of madness. I cannot say for sure – I blinked. The ugly – Colwyn’s entire team. No, I keed, I keed.

After forty-five minutes of comme ci, comme ça, Town went to work. One can only speculate what brought about the change – a soundtrack of Republica’s Ready To Go and Chumbawamba Tubthumping, stanozolol injections and a crate of red bull perhaps – maybe a Gunnery Sgt. Hartman team talk (you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary). Who knows? Whatever is was, it worked, as they bossed the second. Greaves hit the post with a header following a cross from the right, a flank that Chris Ovington caused consistent problems on for the visitors. His speed was evident in outpacing full backs, and though he might be small, so was Igor Vovchanchyn. Load up the interwebz and check out that savage…

Colwyn almost scored following an attacker’s jinking run, but the shot was cut wide of the post. Ovington almost claimed an assist in the subsequent attack, sending a ball in from the right channel just outside the box, but a lunging challenge scuppered the chance. Soon after, with a yellow shirted player down, the Welshmen obstinately refused to show sportsmanship and put the ball out of play. One day these men will play fair. But until that day, they are pukes. They are the lowest forms of life on earth. They are not even hum…

Garforth drew first blood of the second (not John.J style – ‘in town you’re the law… out here it’s me’) when a ball up to Greaves caught in the churned ground. Taking full advantage of the conditions, Greaves slid in before the advancing keeper to send the ball past him into the empty net. 1-0 in the second half, daddyo.

In less time than it takes Naseem Hamed to get to the ring during his entrances, Greaves had doubled his tally. Ovington played him in when he sent the ball across to the right channel, Greaves evaded the challenge, cut in and cut back his finish to the near post. As the fans sang, easy, easy.

Garforth clearly didn’t lose this game; they just ran out of time to win it in. It was a happier set of fans come the end, as to be honest, there is something in human nature that makes us failure parasites (hence the second half attendance of even the most disappointed of us). Yet they ended well. In dominating the second half, Town showed what they could and should have done in the entirety of the game, and earned a moral victory. Sport often draws connotations with war, and the metaphors used in this country’s ridiculously shabby, uninteresting, unentertaining sports journalism are common, clichéd and endless. They have a point though – Colwyn facing Town in the second half resembled the formerly raging Trojans fleeing as Achilles and the Myrmidons re-entered the fray, sending them scattering to the four winds. And as the Trojans could tell you, in war it is not who is rampant early, it is those who finish strongly and decisively. Do the right thing, UniBond league; one-point-five points will come in handy before the storms of winter…

Trust and Believe.

Garforth Town 2 - Rossendale United 1

21-11-09

The best thing about being down is that, barring disaster, you make it back up. The best thing about a dire performance is that it often results in immediate improvement, a positive backlash. The best thing about a losing streak is that it usually snaps. And against Rossendale, the good followed the bad, immediate improvement followed a dire performance, and the two losses in Ashton Under Lyne against the table toppers were wiped away by a win against a Rossendale United outfit bolstered by mid-season reinforcements, with several new signings appearing for the capable side who maintained parity with the aforementioned Curzon Ashton for ninety minutes only ten days ago.

Rossendale opened the scoring with one sixth of the game gone; Shaun Williams putting his name into the internet annals of unibondleague.com history for a bit more wasted bandwidth, when he scored with a heavily deflected shot. While neither side claimed any real superiority in the first, let it be known that Garforth gave the ball away eighty-eight times. Bear that in mind.

Though the second half performance eclipsed that of the one that preceded it, Garforth did at least ‘draw the first’, when the in-form Tom Greaves added to his seasonal tally with a header from close range.

As good quality often follows the dire, now came a half in which Town conceded the ball forty-one times. In the eventuality of defending a lead, which subsequently happened, this includes long balls, clearances and the usual associated gameplay of a one-goal-lead game in the dying minutes, a feature the first half did not boast. In reality, the second half figure would presumably be in the region of thirty. Markedly improved from the first half statistics of eighty-eight, perhaps resulting from tactics or team talks.

The wind and relentless rain picked up, though the typically well maintained pitch held up as ever; unlike most others at this level that would have deteriorated into a 100 by 60 no-mans-land of sludge, better suited to making trenches either side of to shoot ze Germans from.

The grass may have held, but aerial balls and even throws were claimed by the wind, serving as an unpleasant preview to the action expected through the winter months in the cold. To be a football fan…

Speaking of the Germans, with only nein minutes (budum-ch) of the second half gone, Nathan Kamara headed home from an out-swinging corner to give Garforth the lead. His brother Chris returned to the starting line-up after a two-year spell at Goole in East Yorkshire, following a failed trial at the Dog and Duck in Wigan.

Garforth held out well, and could and probably should have increased their winning margin. Man of the Match Chris Ovington curled in a peach from the right wing for Greaves, but the striker weighted his volleyed shot too heavily, and sent the ball over.

Greaves claimed the ball in an advanced position up the left channel soon after, and laid off midfielder Duncan Williams. The dependable youngster squeezed through a ball for Ovington, but unfortunately the goalkeeper proved sufficiently alert to race out and clear before the winger arrived.

And so Town win, moving onwards to a packed Christmas schedule that hopefully can see the side replicate their promotion winning winter runs that saw rapid ascension up the league ladders in 04/05, and 06/07. Such a succession of routs would be welcome in the winter months.

Garforth Town 1 - Skelmersdale United 3

7/11


Are they Scouse? Or are they Manc? So sang the home fans… Actually they didn’t, as an early goal sank Town from the beginning, both players and fans, a deathblow from which the yellow and blues never recovered. Skelmersdale have been unlucky in recent years with promotion proving elusive, but put on their 07/08 form yesterday that saw them atop the table for the majority of that season. Three goals to one clinched this match for them.

Garforth were watertight for 59 seconds, before the sucker punch that took the jam right out of their donut. Another Skelmersdale attempt on goal came from a lob that Morgan saved, a third from a poorly struck shot.

Town had their share of the scant first half chances; Ovington chipped a ball for Fidel Mholo, who cut inside. Sadly, his shot curved the wrong way. Minutes later, a soft free kick was conceded by Town on the right channel, twenty yards from goal. The low curl was saved, the rebound converted by the advanced Mark Houghton. Can a rebound be offside in the new laws? I can’t quite remember.

Nathan Kamara threaded a ball through that wasn’t latched onto, and later Town had an excellent passing interchange between several players from defence to midfield before a through ball was slightly overhit to Greaves. The play drew applause. While the goalkeeper claimed the ball, this was a rare showing of the potential in the side, and a shame it was that it would not be repeated more often in this game.

Town improved in the second. Though Skelmersdale remained a solid outfit, Garforth harried and pressed more, Claisse and Williams toiled in midfield and Thornton and Greaves caused more problems. Darren sent a ball up the left wing to Tom, who cut in and squeezed a ball through for Ovington. Unfortunately, as Chris’ run went one way, the ball was sent the over. Still, the counter attack showed intent.

Even more unfortunately though, the goal that United scored thereafter showed even more intent. A well weighted, curled ball to the left channel caught an offside trap cold, and the chance was finished well, slid under Morgan for the formidable three-goal deficit.

Dignity was clawed back in the form of a consolation goal that rewarded the improvement of industry; a corner was cleared, and Claisse enabled a one on one opportunity for Tom Greaves, who finished low with a cutback to the left post to give Town slim hopes, with over twenty minutes left to play.

The other Tom almost found himself on the score sheet, as Mr Claisse tested the agility of the Skem shot-stopper with a lifted top corner effort from twenty yards. The midfielder saw his shot saved well, but won applause and a corner.

Garforth were unable to further make a dent in the solid defence of Skelmersdale United, who cross the Pennines with another valuable three points. Town have played better, but a lot worse, and there are positives juxtaposed in with the negatives as is ever the case in the strange world of football.

Garforth Town 2 - Lancaster City 3

24-10

Enjoying the hospitality of Garforth Town today were Lancaster City; big cheese and county town of the historical enemy of Gods own county, Lanca-shy-oh. And the Red Rose inhabitants who graced our ground today certainly hadn’t forgotten that irrelevant footnote in the sands of time, and they were ‘top, main lads’ to boot. Frightening, menacing individuals, champions of battle and gods of combat, clearly. However, this is 2009, and now I have the luxury of insulting them from behind the safety of a computer screen. Heard the term ‘keyboard warrior’ before – you disgusting scrotes?

Haha, just joking, I really enjoyed the unfounded accusations of paedophilia, animal molestation and of excessive masturbation levelled at members of the Garforth staff by grown men shouting in a group and pumping their fists joyfully into the air while intimidating middle-aged to elderly fans. Cashback!



Several shots were struck early, and proved that any strike sliding across the wet grass would be difficult for either goalkeeper to deal with. This would come to haunt Town later in the game.

Darren Thornton came close with a free kick, a corner winning effort. That corner sailed over to the far side of the box, and Fidel Mholo did the rest with a side-footed volley back across goal. The attempted block of a defender only sent the ball up into the roof of the net, and the White Rose drew first blood from the red.

Lancaster sang on undeterred, with so much failure I cannot find the words to describe it. One was a song about how ‘lanky’ a famous female singer was (think about it) and another was to proclaim love for ‘the Blues’, who go ‘marching in’ somewhere or other. Maybe ‘the blues’ are T.A. I looked at the pitch in confusion, before looking down on the bald spots and dandruff only feet away from me as I remarked to those legends of the terrace; “You’re in white, lads.”

Lancaster regained parity with what Assistant Manager Billy deemed ‘a soft goal’, as a converted header helped City claw their way back into the game. In the dying stages of the half however, Thornton claimed the ball in the far left corner, brought it inside to unleash a well-struck strike to the top right that clinched the first half at least for Garforth.

The Red Rose visitors proved to be in the ascendancy though, and claimed two goals in quick succession that Assistant Manager Billy deemed to be ‘soft’. He was right. However, soft though they may have bee… definitely were, Town now faced an uphill battle to regain both parity and the lead that had been surrendered twice.

Thornton almost added to his goal tally when he sidestepped the goalkeeper and shot, but his cutback effort was blocked on the line, as was his impeded lay off for Greaves.

Garforth tried but could not further penetrate the resistance of beloved Lancaster, and the Bl… whites, scurried home with the points in the bag. I can’t wait to see the City fans at their place though…. so I can run away screaming.

However, you’re a city of 140k people, playing in the UniBond league, that’s fucking pathetic.
*Runs away*

Fear not Garforth; at least we are Yorkshire, Gods own County, beloved of Zeus, and as such God smiles down upon us unlike on those Red Rose heathens, pagans and reprobates.

Yeah, PEACE…

Garforth Town 0 - Leeds United AFC 1

21-10

Achilles had Hector. Clarice Starling had Buffalo Bill. Ali had Frazier. Man-ches-toh Uni’ed have Man-ches-toh Ci’y – even though only one team hails from the city itself. Leeds United AFC have never had a local team to play that could define local sport, and where the supporters are all from the same place, whether to meet and greet with smiles and handshakes or to clash with the violence of sporting fanaticism.

Under Simon Clifford, Garforth have strived to raise their own status with ambition befitting of larger and more lucrative clubs. Two promotions and a slew of publicity, not to mention ambitious statements, lofty goals and a charismatic owner/manager, and the non-leaguers forced their way onto the footballing map. In time, one can hope for a Garforth versus Leeds fixture in a league setting – at least if one is a Garforth supporter…

As it was, the two sides met tonight in the White Rose version of Ci’y versus Uni’ed. Given that both clubs rested first team players, that the game was a friendly and the unfortunate and most important fact in that Garforth ply their trade five leagues below the prestigious Peacocks, it could hardly be described in the aforementioned Hector and Achilles metaphorical terminology, yet with a close game graced by only a single goal, nor did the affair resemble the aforementioned Starling and Bill scenario – the hunter able to pick apart and destroy their rival at will…

Leeds fielded a young squad, and the match served as experience for the blooded youngsters, one of whom was Aidan White; graduate of Clifford’s Leeds Brazilian Soccer School. Garforth had themselves played less than 24 hours earlier, and their own line-up was a fresh look outfit. It was further altered at half time when their captain Brett Renshaw was withdrawn with a foot injury sustained in the defeat in Ossett the previous night.

The Mighty Whites were the stronger team initially, looking sharp and avoiding getting drawn into a long ball game. It would be Garforth who would create the first goal-scoring opportunities. Tom Greaves tried his luck with a run down the middle but was impeded. Garforth struck the first shot in anger, which sailed over. United replied with a curled ball across the midfield to Nathan Turner, who redirected the ball well with his head to run for goal. Town sweeper Milton Turner did well in covering the ground, stealing the ball and clearing it to safety.

Fidel Mholo broke a record, impressive given his short career. He is now officially recognised at having his name mispronounced more times than any other player in the history of football. That includes Greek football, Popodopadoolios and all. He also gave an eye-catching display in the first half, pace evident as he burst down the field on 33. Unfortunately, his ball through to Greaves caught up in the striker’s feet.

Leeds came closest in the half when Turner was put through with only Ellison to beat. However, his shot was at a stretch, and the cutback overlong; the ball flew wide.

Greaves had one final effort as the half came to a close, a half that had the welcome introduction of two linesmen who were not afflicted by the usual relentless, constant ‘Heil Hitler’ syndrome that too many officials seem to have at the sniff of potential offside. One liner this year shot his outstretched arm out more times than Heinrich Himmler did in 1938 – tonight was blissfully free of that in this friendly game.

The second was not graced with many clear-cut chances, but it did see the match winning goal, a top corner shot that vindicated the entrance fee alone. Joe McCann had a shot well saved from point blank range by Ellison, and Leeds were in the ascendancy, with Garforth clinging to parity. The killer blow was struck with only ten minutes to play, as Josh Falkingham fired a net buster from twenty yards that sailed into the top right corner to give Leeds the lead.

United saw the game out, and so ended a fixture refreshingly played with no real malice, bickering, niggly challenges or the stereotypical footballers handbags non-fighting ‘brawls’ that mar so many games with their effeminate aura. It was a friendly game, and it did what it said on the tin.

Leeds next play at Millwall’s Den, and I offer prayers for the travelling fans that they don’t meet a ‘naughty, double nasty, tasty, dirty bunch’, and that they avoid getting bushwhacked in Bermondsey. Any Leeds fan, however, who managed to lay into Danny Dyer and his bunch of ‘naughty, rude mates’ in order to get onto ‘The Weal Footbawl Factowhees’ gets my utmost respect. Garforth face a ‘pound for pound’ equally daunting visit from Lancaster City (sarcasm y’all) who speak like Mancs and hate Garforth with a passion befitting of the Red Rose.

Keep Tubthumping. Peace.

Garforth Town 0 - AFC Field.... Fylde 3

17-10-09

Blackpool is a part of the Lancastrian coastal plain of Fylde, and fittingly it would be our visitors AFC Fylde that illuminated today’s game of football with all three of its goals. In Scandinavian, Fylde means ‘field’, the name hence originating from Viking invasions, and in today’s tussle at the Genix Healthcare stadium, their football team were sadly able to ‘field’ players who outplayed our own in an open game, but one in which few clear cut chances were fashioned. Cup football can be an illegitimate son…

Fylde opened the scoring early, a neat turn and shot from Mark Wane, and Town were fighting an uphill battle thenceforth against more disciplined troops. One noted tactic was the use of legal strength – vigorousness within the boundaries of the rules. Maybe the endless scrapping between Yorkshire and Lancashire day-trippers in Blackpool has toughened them up. Regardless, Fylde changed their colours from blue to all-white in the summer of 2007 in order to mimic Leeds United, and so it would be that Wane’s goal earned them victory against the second most prestigious football club in the Leeds area.

Tom Greaves gave an industrious display, fashioning several chances for himself despite close defensive attention. The most noteworthy occurred with a third of the game gone, when a lifted through ball on thirty minutes allowed him to lob the goalkeeper. Sadly, the striker was deemed to be offside when the ball was played, by another linesman who loves to play ‘you put your right arm in, your right arm out, in out, in out, sh….” No comment.

Greaves was put through again, for another Heil Hitler salute… sorry, enthusiastic linesman’s flagging motion, to halt his progress. A subsequent move saw Harding play Ovington down the left channel, and the young winger cut inside before spraying it out to Williams on the right. Duncan’s cross eluded all.

The second began slowly, and it was not until almost the hour mark that a shot was struck in anger. Greaves worked his way from the left to the edge of the semi-circle, and cut his shot narrowly wide.

Several passing interchanges from both sides summed the game up; one-twos, overlaps and movement, with one player’s weak or mis-hit touch breaking down the whole move. Thornton came on; signalling Town’s attacking intent, and the substitute made determined runs and harassed defenders.

A Claisse ball to Greaves saw the striker exchange a one-two with Thornton before shooting, but the shot slid wide. Immediately after, a quick counter attack saw Fylde get behind the Town defence, and Wane added his second with a finish to the left of Ellison.

Greaves shot across goal following a long ball up from Claisse, and a nice attack involving several players saw Thornton cross for Fidel Mholo at the back post. Not only was the youngster unable to score, his name was mispronounced in the announcements for the 269th time on record.

Town could not pierce the back Fylde of Field, and Field added a third. The familiar looking Richie Allen, who either has a doppelganger or has played against Garforth before for someone else, scored a carbon copy finish to the one that had preceded it, and Town left the Fylde dejected after their hardworking display could not make a dent in a motivated Field, who advance to the 1st round of the FA Trophy.

Garforth though, shall not sling insults the way the Salford Star did just because a War of the Roses rival beat them at home. No slurs from the dignified white rose, unlike some. Then again, any club that employs Rhodri Giggs….

Congratulations to Field. See you in Blackpool for a curry, eight pints and a couple of disco biscuits….

Garforth Town 3 - Harrogate Railway 2

13-10-09

Class warfare ensued on the football pitch, as the upstanding folk of Harrogate came to Garforth’s mining village for the first round of the UniBond President’s Cup. That is the name given to this competition, and the second half of this particular match was spectacle enough for a king, as Garforth almost snatched defeat from the jaws of victory only to inch ahead in the dying moments of the game. 3-2 is cited along with 4-3 as one of the best score-lines a game of association football can have, and it was easy to see why, as both sets of fans witnessed uneasy, demoralising and relieving moments alike as the outcome seemingly teetered back and forth between two sides who both showed some dextrous football at times…

Darren Thornton burst forwards early doors and tried his luck with a chip, which was tipped over by Harrogate shot stopper Jordan Yorath. The resulting corner fell kindly for Liam Ormsby to convert, after only a hundred or so seconds of play.

The posh visitors replied strongly, with a slid shot sliding wide, and a good ball played into the box only for the chance to be squandered. The always dependable (barring the odd moment of gratuitous violence) Brett Renshaw, who defended well, played a lovely ball up for Fidel Mholo, the man whose name has been misspelt and mispronounced more times than any other player in the history of English football. Fidel claimed the ball well but was flagged offside, by the increasingly flag-happy linesman.

Thornton suffered from the man’s rampant right arm, as it once more decreed that the striker’s run was from an offside position. After Darren converted the chance, he was cautioned for ‘kicking the ball away’. As much as I would love to point fingers and criticise ineptitude, stupidity and lunacy, I will not comment on the referee’s decision in this instance.

Substitute Tom Greaves almost forced his way through into a one on one, but was impeded at the last, after fine interchanges in the midfield. A corner soon followed though, was taken short, and the subsequent cross from Thornton was converted in the easiest fashion from the far post, Duncan Williams grateful for the gift. Pin point cross, point blank range, header, goal, done and dusted. 2-0 on the hour.

Garforth could not quite kill the game off though, and so it was on 78 that the in form Craig Ellison injured himself. The keeper did well to make several saves, but the inevitable happened with all Garforth substitutes used up. A high ball that Ellison could not contest, and a horrible ricochet later, and the Miner’s were level in a game they had all but won after nearly eighty minutes of comfort.

Two things happened. A promising Harrogate attack was deemed offside, by the vastly improved linesman, and the ensuing break from Garforth saw Thornton released into space down the middle. Heading from right to left, he in turn released fellow substitute Christopher Jones, and the youngster’s left footed finish was true. Garforth snatched victory from the snapping jaws of possible defeat that had ripped surefire victory away from the Colegate smiling mouth of a comfortable win in the first place… ahem, or in other terms, unfortunate injuries looked to have doomed the match, but as it were they only served to provide a tensely entertaining conclusion to it. The Miner’s march on, after knocking the Railwaymen off the tracks…

Town progress, and face more cup fixtures on the hunt for glory in the coming winter months as the cold spectre of darkness looms over us all.

"Exit light… enter night. Take my hand… we’re off to never Neverland…"

Trafford FC 0 - Garforth Town 2

10-10-09

The Red Rose inhabitants of Trafford number nearly a quarter of a million, and almost 1/1500th of them turned out today to support their newest club, Trafford FC. With Old Trafford, the home of Man-ches-toh Uni’ed nearby it is understandable, not to mention the fact they play in white, yet the non-leaguers from Shawe View have amassed twenty-two honours in their short history. However, while four of their number sang to the tune of ‘We Are Sailing’, it would be the visiting Yorkshiremen who would cruise to a comfortable victory on the hostile side of the Pennines, completing a double barrelled victory for Leeds area sport as the Rhino’s became Super League champions only hours later in Trafford over St Helen’s of Lancashire. War of the Roses 2.0 revisited went to Yorkshire on this day…

Passing interchanges were exchanged between Harding, Ovington and Williams early doors as the Miner’s looked to find an opening. Ovington weaved from the left wing and positioned to shoot, missing narrowly. A long ball up the left channel almost sent Williams clear, and several shots were missed. Meanwhile, Turner, Renshaw, Zalo and Fox were unperturbed at the back, as Trafford offered little in the way of fashioning chances.

Ovington found the net on 37, when he cut in from the left wing as he had done before. He then proceeded to do what he had not done before, however, when he managed to hit both criteria for scoring goals; hit the target, and beat the keeper. His shot from distance dipped wickedly, exposed the stranded shot stopper, and opened the scoring.

Twenty minutes of gameplay later and Ovington almost created the second, sending Williams racing through on goal to meet a well-timed lunge from the goalkeeper. Minutes later he could have added the second himself after Greaves was put through on goal. The striker slid the ball past the goalkeeper into the path of Ovington, only for the most desperate of late lunges from a vigilant defender.

Claisse, Williams, Harding and Ovington stroked the ball around and exchanged passes, before Williams curled a ball into the box for Liam Ormsby. Unfortunately, the midfielder’s touch was too strong, and the flick went over. Then on 75, Mark Piper stole the ball with a deft Cruyff turn and released substitute Darren Thornton. The striker sent a shot wide.

The decisive killer blow was struck in the dying minutes of normal time, as a free kick was curled up to Greaves on the right wing. Sub-standard marking saw the ball sail past his man, the striker controlled, headed for goal, and shot low to the near post to double the advantage and claim the game. Trafford were sunk like the Titanic, as it was rather Garforth who were sailing.

The Miner’s improve to only one loss in five, as the player’s turn in their most comfortable display in recent memory as they win at a canter. Now mid-table, Town can push on, capitalise on the improved cohesion and make a statement. Two cup matches are next, one of which is the FA Trophy, and with only a handful of wins from Wembley, one could be forgiven for daring to dream, subconsciously smelling the stench of cockney-ville already and the foul aromas of the southern wastelands where potential cup glory awaits…

Salford City 0 - Garforth Town 0

3-10-09

Chumbawamba kicked off the day, with walk out theme I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again being a fitting epithet to a team with such dramatic upswings and downturns in performance levels and fortune as Garforth Town FC. The game started, with the Greater Mancunian outfit attempting to knock their visitors down for the count, the yellows looking to ‘remind their fans of the good times’, and play a game ‘to remind them of the better times’. Whose fans would be “singing, when we’re winning”? Whose set of supporters would be “drinking a whisky drink; a vodka drink, a lager drink, and a cider drink” to drown their sorrows come the end? Ninety minutes of football later in the shadow of the ‘Theatre of Dreams’, we would know the answer.

The opening exchanges did nothing to offer an indication of the answer, as the closest chance for the visitors came from strikers Thornton and Greaves chasing down Andy Robertson in the Salford goal, while the hosts offered less. A welcome addition to the game was Rhodri Giggs, now plying his trade, footballing trade, along with his more celebrated brother Ryan in Salford, though in somewhat less grandiose surroundings. In fairness to him, other than chelping at his own team-mates and sloping around in the second half, he did nothing particularly out of the ordinary to ‘bring the game into disrepute’, I believe is the politically correct, diplomatic description. Ovington and Williams swung in crosses for Town, but they were dealt with well.

John McAliskey had two very good chances for Salford, which new goalkeeper Craig <> did well to stop. The new shot stopper did his best all afternoon to ensure Tom Morgan gets a pink slip in the mail, as he was undoubtedly man of the match for his display. Garforth came close after twenty-five minutes, when Ovington put Tom Greaves through on the right channel. With the offside trap beaten and Robertson in no-mans-land, Greaves latched onto the lofted ball and his lobbed finish struck the outside of the posts elbow joint that conjoins the net and goal, just wide of the top corner.

Salford had mixed luck, with Giggs’ well taken free kick saved, but a handball in their own box escaping the notice of all officials, a bittersweet minute. Thornton and particularly Ovington came close with chances to close out the half, a low drive and a left footed shot cut across the goal and wide, respectively.

Thornton again tried his luck with a run from his own half, evading challenges and ending with a lacklustre shot. Ovington showed a turn of pace and played a ball in for Tom Claisse, who shot over. Salford shot, with Craig tipping the ball over well. The home side would have three or four shots on goal in this time.

For the rest of the game, Garforth pressed and created chances only for Salford to respond with several of their own. City arguably carved out the more memorable chances, only for the likes of Giggs, Rouse and McAliskey to miss. Though in the second half they undoubtedly came closest with the scant goal scoring opportunities, from the official report in the Salford Star, you would think Garforth had been spanked like a Mirko Cro Cop opponent in a Japanese freak show mismatch. As for the lamentations of The Salford Star, I respond with this; Sors salutis, et virtutis, michi nunc contraria… mecum omnes plangite! Carl Orff, O Fortuna. Relying on the overuse of ‘F bombs’ and county insults like the Salford Star did is so uncultured, even for the red rose...

So the points were shared equally, between our lovable hosts and us ‘yellow shirted Yorkshire ****ing ****ers’. As fate would have it, lager was the beverage of choice, though the miserable Mancunians undoubtedly resorted to the whisky drinks, the vodka drinks, the lager drinks and the cider drinks in lamentation, to vent about the match and to remind them of the better times. Chumbawamba, Tubthumping. A song Salford City use pre-match, and would do well to remember in the aftermath of such a game after the events conclusion.

"Don't cry for me, next door (county) neighbours..."

Garforth next play against Chorley at home on Tuesday night, then Trafford away on Saturday. Kick-offs will be at 7:45pm and 3pm respectively. If we get knocked down, we will get up again, yeah they're never gonna keep us down....

'Danny Boy': yellow shirted ****ing tubthumper, whisky/vodka/lager/cider drinker, and proud Yorkshireman.

Woodley Sports 0 - Garforth Town 1

26-9-09

The White Rose triumphed in an ugly smash and grab battle in Lancashire, as Woodley Sports fell by one goal to zilcho at their own Neil Rourke stadium. The home side’s nickname is the Steelmen, but they were melted down on Saturday in a close game settled by a well-taken Duncan Williams goal.

An initial feeling out process saw many long balls, with the only sniff of a chance coming from a chased down header back to goalkeeper Morgan from the halfway line. The only noteworthy chance in the opening twenty minutes came from an excellent Woodley cross could have been converted from eight yards. The inept striker missed the ball. Save for that, Garforth’s makeshift defence performed well, marshalled by Milton Turner.

A low cross was drilled in by Town standout Chris Ovington to Carl Fox, but the defender did just enough to prevent him getting a clean strike. Greaves came close with a shot following a good set up from Ovington, and Woodley hit the post, missing the subsequent rebound.

Ovington carved the last two chances of the first half, with a side-foot effort that missed, then an eye-catching burst of pace to fire in a cross that was not met.

Duncan Williams tried a Paul Gascoigne circa 1996 when he tried setting up a shot after kick ups over a defender, but he overshot it. Woodley had a header saved by Morgan, who turned in a dependable performance. Both Greaves and Ovington tried shots from outside the area, and both were saved comfortably.

The magic moment occurred on the hour mark. A ball up the right wing to Darren Thornton saw the striker cross low to Williams, who turned away from goal to off put the defender. As it was, though the new angle was ostensibly more difficult, and that the ball had bobbled, Williams managed to lob the goalkeeper to his far post and open (and close) the scoring.

Tom Klaisse almost burst through the middle later in the game, only for the keeper to come out and claim. The match was not one of breathless exhilaration, of constant goal scoring opportunities and melodrama, but it was a valuable win. Barring a minor incident in which two Woodley players appeared to raise their hands and make contact with Garforth players (with no action taken) not much more happened, and Garforth closed out the game to return back to God’s Own Country east of the Pennines with the points.

An ugly win can be as good as a pretty loss, for morale. And in a long season, morale is important, particularly for a side that won two recent promotions with dramatic late surges up the table. This win could prove more vital than its smash and grab, unexciting features and characteristics implied or were felt at the time, and with plenty of points to play for, Town are only four wins away from the prize positions. It’s a crack, they’re back yeah and standing on the rooftops shouting, baby I’m ready to go…

Garforth Town 0 - Halifax Town 1

21-9-09

Harold Brown asks the viewers ‘Who Gives You Extra?’ in the infamous Halifax bank advertisements on television, and ironically enough, tonight at the Genix Healthcare stadium in Garforth the other Halifax, Town FC, also had that little bit extra… in luck.

Garforth did not play badly – quite the opposite. There were several close chances, and the home side largely imposed their will on the visitors, despite the full time deficit. The Miner’s’ first early chance came from tenacious work in midfield from Craig Harding, who chased down a 50/50 ball and slid in to release Chris Ovington on the right. A dangerous dipping cross set up the lunging Greaves but at a stretch, and his contact sent the ball over the bar.

Greaves received a throw in soon after, with a quick turn and shot. The shot slid wide, but if a striker doesn’t shoot, he doesn’t score. Ovington was next, with a jinking run on the right which culminated with the new-boy cutting in to shoot across goal. The goalkeeper managed to parry it wide in a fingertips effort.

The only shot in anger during this first thirty minutes from a quiet Halifax came courtesy of an admittedly excellently taken free-kick from twenty-five yards. Morgan did well to save for the canary yellows.

Ovington tried to steer the ball into the path of Greaves, though the Halifax shot stopper was equal to it and came to intercept. Morgan cleared a backpass only for it to be headed back upfield, and Halifax came close to breaking the deadlock with the subsequent half volley. They almost had another bite at the metaphorical apple via a through ball up the wing, but Milton Turner darted over to win a 30/70 ball and clear the danger. Halifax did hit the crossbar, but only after the ref halted play for a foul. Thus ended the first half.

Garforth’s relative comfort and the ease with which they had dealt with an impotent Halifax attack thus far would be for nought, as the Plastic Wolverhampton Wanderers found the net ten minutes into the second period of play. The ball was played into Paul Whitehouse, who found space and shot from outside the box. He found the corner of the net, to the delight of an away bench now devoid of the blond muppet from last year.

Town responded with a handful of crosses, with the subsequent headers coming varyingly close to regaining parity in the scoreline. Greaves tried his luck with a shot that went wide, and slowly the confidence came back for the home players. The keeper for Halifax left his area to prevent a corner, and his poor clearance almost saw him lobbed from thirty yards and he hurtled back into position.

A ball to Thornton on the right found the striker in an expanse of space, as the attempted interception of an orange defender was mistimed. The chance was promising, but the cross was poor.

The same striker tried his luck with an overhead from an Ovington cross, but all in all it was to be ‘one of those nights’. A strong penalty claim for Garforth was ignored during the second half, and it is noteworthy that Halifax players dropped like flies crossing the motorway. On the plus side, Garforth’s last three performances have seen improvement, and with that ‘extra’ bit of luck, hopefully the Miner’s can start picking up some big wins. The next few games against Woodley, Prescott and Salford are winnable, and with three more good performances, Town can rock down to… Electric Avenue, and then we’ll take it higher.

Colwyn Bay 3 - Garforth Town 1

19-9-09

Throughout history, foreign occupations have been repelled with both strong-arm assaults and guerrilla violence. Today, on foreign soil, Garforth’s seemingly easy, surefire victory was not overturned by the strong-arm, decisive play of the home side at all, but solely through the guerrilla tactics of poor officiating and strikers capitalising on our bad luck, as The Miner’s were toppled by two dubious second half sucker punches to the metaphorical chin. We played ‘The Seagulls’, and were left feeling like we’d just walked beneath a huge flock of them flying directly after a bad dose of Blackpool chippy scraps.

In a game where Garforth were violated by the duo of fate and human error (the officials) it was a situation where defeat was snatched from the jaws of victory. Tellingly, Colwyn manager Neil Young (that is his name) was quoted as saying “You have to give Garforth credit for coming here with a game plan and making it tough - other teams have found it hard to break them down this season, with Halifax only beating them 1-0.” And in legal goals, I scored today as a score draw, personally…

The first half saw no real clear cut chances fashioned by either team, as the home and away defences held out well and the midfield area saw both passing interchanges and sporadic, niggly battles for the ball. From the Garforth perspective, Tom Claisse had an effort that diverted off his own man, and for our hosts, a triple whammy of saved shot, a header from the subsequent corner, and a rebound effort that went narrowly wide.

Nathan Kamara looked to be injured after a ball through to Darren Thornton, but the defender returned, and showed more of the form that has seen him arguably the best player in the team thus far in 09/10.

One such fine moment from that man led to the goal in the fifty-fifth minute. A hopeful Colwyn ball was curled upfield, and Kamara showed composure in controlling the ball. Chesting it before bursting past a Bay man, Nathan sent Thornton free down the left channel, and the striker played an inch perfect ball across the grey area between goalkeeper and defender, setting up Tom Greaves for a foregone conclusion of a three inch finish at the back post. 1-0 to the English team.

The Seagulls did not look capable of converting one of their non-existent chances at this point, but less than a quarter of an hour later something went down that didn’t ‘fly’ with what we all saw. A shot sent well wide saw a striker scrambling to claim a ball he couldn’t, went sailing, and a penalty was awarded. The player was perhaps making the most of slight contact, but is he to blame? Premier League Italians dive weekly with impunity, and earn beaucoup bucks in the process. Television poisons minds. The penalty was converted, flawlessly taken.

Outrageously, a ball up the right channel could not be intercepted due to a very apparent obstruction on the nearest defender, yet again things ‘flew’ for the Gulls. The striker – using the expanse afforded to him – angled to shoot, took a quiz, fell asleep, danced a jig, then finished off the chance that may never have occurred were it not for a clear and blatant obstruction made on a player who was involved with play, by a man who was affecting play. 1-2 it was to the Welshmen.

Kamara sent a carbon copy ball to Thornton, but unfortunately the end product wasn’t identical as the former Ossett man elected to cut the ball back for Greaves, who could not adjust in time.

A nice interchange across the pitch that carved Colwyn open climaxed with a professional foul. Fox, Harding, Kamara and Ormsby combined to feed Thornton on the right wing, but as he dextrously passed his man, he was cynically hacked down.

As the game was chased, the final nail in the coffin came with an excellently taken goal, as a cut in from the left preceded a sharp near post finish. Tom Greaves almost replied for the visitors after turning his man, but while beating the keeper, his shot slid agonisingly wide.

Ultimately, this game represented a nailed down, signed sealed delivered clean sheet, and but for some shoddy officiating, it probably would have been. Performance wise though, another step in the right direction.

Garforth Town 4 - Radcliffe Borough 2

15-9-09

Fourceful Garforth rebounded well from a malfunction at the junction on Saturday in Geordie Land with a ring a ding dong dandy of a first half match-winning four goal performance against Greater, or Lesser, Mancunians Radcliffe Borough at the Genix Healthcare stadium. Ten men Garforth defended well against the expected second half siege, and shut out their frustrated, niggly foes on a warm Tuesday night in West Yorkshire.

An early ball through to a blatantly offside lurker almost resulted in a harsh disadvantage for Garforth, but the defence recovered well. It would be for nought though, as only a minute later a bouncing throw-in was not dealt with, falling kindly for Mark Drew who finished well with a half volley.

Soon after the visitor’s lead was doubled; an unjustly awarded free kick was curled right to the back post, evading all and sundry. Tom Brookes converted. 0-2.

From here Garforth turned the heat up, and snatched victory from the snapping jaws of defeat. Captain Renshaw sailed a peach up to new boy Chris Ovington, and with the striker tripped, Darren Thornton claimed his first goal for Garforth with the consequent penalty. He bagged his brace when the Borough goalkeeper controlled a back-pass poorly and the ball fell to him; the striker simply sidestepped a defender to place the ball into an empty net. 2-2.

Town placed Borough’s defence under some pressure; the ball was stroked about the midfield before Greaves angled to shoot, Tom Klass tried his luck and a header went wide. Then the third arrived; a cross from a corner was headed back out, and was soon sent back in. Borough players stepped out in an offside trap attempt that failed miserably, Renshaw fairly challenged the goalkeeper for the high ball, and it fell for Luke Woodall to put it in. In a time when so many referees blow the whistle for the slightest contact with a keeper, this one allowed for Brett’s legal challenge, and a legit goal stood. Good call, ref.

Craig Harding, though, didn’t have the same luck as Renshaw. A 50/50 tackle contested with a Borough man sparked a skirmish, in the aftermath of which Harding was sent for an early shower. Though the studs of one boot may have been showing on his slide tackle, it was difficult to surmise the reasons that Radcliffe players who impeached rules by raising hands to faces in anger during the skirmish did not join Mr Harding in his early walk.

However, Town claimed a fourth, when Greaves finished off an interchange by beating the shot stopper in the one on one. Radcliffe, a man to the good were left mourning a 4-2 deficit having claimed an early two-goal lead. But that is football; take your eye off the ball and your foot off the pedal, and like the song says; in an mmm-bop, it’s gone.

In the stoppage time of a six goal half, Thornton was – wittingly or otherwise – stamped on. The incident went with no punishment meted out. After, Greaves closed out the half when he sidestepped a challenge, and shot well over. Thus ended a great half for Garforth.

With 11 against 10, a second half siege was expected, and that is what we got. Town dug in their trenches and battled it out, and did very well to end the half with only the two earlier goals conceded. A header from a Radcliffe corner struck the crossbar, but with nearly every outfield Town player blocking the goal like an army defending the city gates, the visitors could not convert from the ensuing penalty box scramble.

Later on, after sustained pressure, Garforth would again threaten. A seemingly innocuous ball up the left wing was somehow latched onto by Renshaw, when the centre-back careered up the pitch to reach it. Unfortunately, his cross inside would not be quite as good. Radcliffe tried another cross, and on the counter attack Darren Thornton released Greaves into the box, whose shot was saved point blank by the onrushing keeper. In a subsequent counter-attack, substitute veteran Andy Hayward played Thornton into space with an overhead pass, and the striker cut inside and shot wide.

Radcliffe ultimately could not break the resilient Town defence, and that ol’ junction seemed somewhat repaired and reorganisation. A good game, a good victory.

Fletch.

Jarrow Roofing 1 - Garforth Town 0

12-9-09

The Football Association Cup is often spoken of with reverence and misty eyed wonder as the giant killings of the past and classic cup memories flood the minds of the nostalgic. There was little of this mystical romance in the northeast today, as Garforth dominated a team of natural athletes only to lose by a goal due to impotent finishing. And how ironic it was, that it would be Jarrow vs. The Miner’s in a crusade to qualify for the cup! Sadly, Jarrow are the ones marching on.

Jarrow fired the first shot in anger at their Yorkshire guests, a dipping drive from distance, but that would be as good as it got for the plastic Geordies until the claimed the match-winning second half strike. Duncan Williams curled an excellent through ball from his own half into the path of striker Tom Greaves, though the forward could not find the finishing touch. It was to epitomise the jarrowing experience that Garforth had all day. (Budum-ch)

Williams, Nathan Kamara and Milton Turner fired several balls upfield, testing the particularly chiselled Jarrow defenders, and a handful of semi-chances fell to the visitors. Duncan embarked on a weaving run from the left wing, but ultimately came short in his ambitious attempt to fashion a clear shot at goal. Minutes later he almost set up with a run and through ball, but once more the opportunity went begging. Jarrow’s only other crack at goal in the first half hour came from a criminally awarded free kick that was curled well wide by a lefty.

Darren Thornton showed good pace off the mark when he left his man for dead on the left wing and curled in a cross. Unfortunately, nobody took the chance on it and Greaves could not quite latch onto it, though it only seemed a matter of time before the yellow’s found the net.

Thornton next entertained us with a tactical debate with the Town management, as the referee blew for the first of what would be several extended periods of non-play in both halves. Why is your guess, I haven’t a clue. After this break, Liam Ormsby tried his luck with a shot following a passing interchange and layoff. The Jarrow shot stopper saved well.

Garforth did find the net before the first half climax, as a rebounding header was converted by Ormsby, but the flag was raised for an impeachment. Town would hit the woodwork once more as Greaves headed a cross against the Jarrow bar in the last noteworthy play of the opening period.

The second half took on the same format, though with both players and fans now getting increasingly frustrated and restless. The ball was worked to Greaves, who angled and shot, though Jarrow numero uno saved again. Kamara burst forwards from defence in a rush of adrenaline and evaded challenges well, until a well-timed slide sent him flying through the air. Ormsby picked up the loose ball and tried a shot. By now Jarrow were hanging on.

More long balls tested the now tiring Balti kings of the JR back line, as Garforth entered their most comfortable period in the game. Passing interchanges were completed with ease, yet Town still could not find the back of the net. It was to be one of those days.

Following Town’s best chance of the game, another one on one that was skied, sod’s law struck. A Jarrow break upfield caught Garforth unawares, and when a ball into the box saw the recipient fortuitously ride a challenge, it was a simple conversion to sink the spirits of the Yorkshire visitors.

missed a one on one. His subsequent chip was cleared off the line. Captain Brett Renshaw was ludicrously sent off for ‘dissent’. The Jarrow defenders hit the red, cardio wise. Milton Turner came close with a header. Duncan was tripped with the sure-fire penalty not awarded to Town, which the official later claimed was due to ‘no Garforth players appealing’. Duncan was fouled, shrugged his assailant off and was booked. Kamara tried his luck with a long shot. The End.

The magic of the cup. Jarrow’s cup crusade continues, and The Miner’s fall. Football can be a funny game.

Garforth Town 1 - Woodley Sports 1

5-9-09

Gallant Garforth gave Woodley a drubbing in a one-sided score draw at the Genix Healthcare Stadium. Despite creating the best chances, and dominating general play, Town could not pull the trigger on the goal scoring revolver and the Greater Mancunian visitors escaped with a share of the points.

The best chance early doors came for striker Tom Greaves, who tried to capitalise on a goalkeeping fumble but was denied. Frank Zalo chased down a loose ball through and managed to keep it in play, setting up a cross that Duncan Williams headed narrowly wide. Other half chances were fashioned, and the first thirty minutes belonged entirely to Garforth, the only side with attacking intent.

Woodley’s closest chance came from a Bentley-esque effort, a forty-yard volley that almost embarrassed the home keeper and sailed wide of the post. This goal scoring opportunity was enterprising, but rare.

In the later stages of the first, Man of the Match Nathan Kamara played an excellent ball through diagonally to the right channel for Greaves, but Ben Connett was equal to the striker’s slid effort. The last near effort came from Darren Thornton, who persevered after a botched free kick to fashion a position to shoot, though he could not muster a powerful enough strike to trouble the opposing shot stopper.

After half time entertainment courtesy of the Leeds Brazilian Soccer School, a second half began that did not see the same number of good chances, yet ironically contained both goals that decided the match. Duncan Williams could not finish a move culminating from a deflected cross, and Greaves came close with a later header that flashed wide. The pivotal moment of the game came when both the exceptionally tall linesman and the referee failed to spot a blatant push which led to an unmarked Woodley forward slotting the ball home. Football can be cruel sometimes…

However, God’s benevolent existence was proved by the just equaliser that followed, when a corner and lay off was converted well by Milton Turner from 25 yards. That great finish earned Garforth a point, but it could and really should have been more. Garforth next play at home when they welcome Radcliffe Borough on Tuesday September 15th, when kick-off will be at 7:45pm.